Baseball fans might argue that nicknames just aren't what they used to be. Classics like Bip (Roberts), Pokey (Reese), Cookie (Rojas), Bake (McBride) and Boog (Powell) have retired and moved out of our collective consciousness, replaced by a largely boring group of successors. Take, for example, some of the most high-profile baseball nicknames today: "Schill" for Curt Schilling, "Tek" for Jason Varitek, and "A-Rod" for Alex Rodriguez. Those aren't real nicknames -- those are lazy, simple name abbreviations that require minimal effort at best.
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While the Major Leagues in the new millennium has nothing on the Negro Leagues of the 1940s, which produced by far the best nicknames ever (including "Cool Papa," "Satchel," "Turkey" and "Double Duty," just to name a few), there are still some good ones out there, even ones that don't have to "stay in the clubhouse."
In MLB.com/Entertainment's first installment of The Bigs List, we'll name a starting lineup of the best nine nicknames in the big leagues, along with a pretty potent bench.
STARTING LINEUP
1. Boof Bonser, P, Minnesota Twins: He was born John Paul Bonser, which means it wouldn't be surprising if his nickname was "The Pontiff" or something papal like that. Nope. As a child, he picked up the moniker of Boof, which puts him one digit ahead of Boog Powell in our book and in the good ol' alphabet. Normally, childhood non-ball-related nicknames wouldn't crack the starting lineup -- see Jones, Chipper below -- but when Bonser had his name legally changed to Boof, he exhibited the dedication and fortitude to get the ball every fifth day on the The Bigs List.2. David "Big Papi" Ortiz, DH, Boston Red Sox: Only a grizzly of a dude with a huge swing and a huger smile could pull off this nickname. Ever since Theo Epstein astutely plucked him out of the non-tender scrap heap in the winter of 2002, Ortiz, his monster bat and his authentic Dominican nickname have been as much of a part of Beantown lore as Fenway Pahhhhk itself.
3. Frank "The Big Hurt" Thomas, DH, Toronto Blue Jays: Thomas was given this nickname by the loquacious Chicago White Sox broadcaster, Ken Harrelson, who has a decent little nickname -- "Hawk" -- himself, and it stuck, big-time. There's simply no better way to describe a man of cartoonish baseball proportion (6-foot-5, almost 260 lbs.) who played football at Auburn, or the damage he inflicts on baseballs on a nightly basis, as his 500-plus career homers has proven.
4. Travis "Pronk" Hafner, DH, Cleveland Indians: Still not sure how this one means "half-project, half-donkey." Wouldn't that be "pronkey?" Doesn't matter, though. The nickname is random, it's silly, and it somehow works beautifully to describe this behemoth slugger who grew up braving 20-below winters in North Dakota and looks like he was carved out of limestone with an ice pick.
5. Dontrelle "D-Train" Willis, P, Detroit Tigers: It's a pretty simple nickname, but with the high socks, the cap turned slightly to the side, the huge leg kick and his infectious love and enthusiasm for the game, Willis turns it into one of the most perfect monikers in the business. Plus, it's better now that he's actually got a "D" on his lid every night.
6. Kenny "The Gambler" Rogers, P, Detroit Tigers: Although it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that this crafty southpaw vet's got the same exact name as the white-bearded country crooner who dominated the 1970s charts with schlocky songs like, "She Believes In Me," this is the right nickname for the pitcher. The song referenced in the nickname is a downright cool honky-tonk classic, with the unforgettable "You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em ..." chorus. And even the media-shy Tiger knows it's better to be referenced as a casino shark than a rotisserie chicken, which would be the other option for this name.
7. Covelli "Coco" Crisp, OF, Boston Red Sox: He was born Covelli Crisp, which is interesting enough and helps explain how that turned to "Coco." And while Cincinnati closer Francisco Cordero has the same nickname, cleverly taken from the last syllable in his first name and the first syllable in his last name, Boston wins the battle of Cocos because when you place this nickname in front of the last name Crisp, you've got, hands down, one of the great names in baseball history.
8. Randy "The Big Unit" Johnson, P, Arizona Diamondbacks: Such a perfect way to describe a man who broke into big-league baseball with a never-before-seen 6-foot-10 frame, a 98-mph fastball, a sick slider coming from a wayward left hand, a magical, mystical mullet, a mustachioed scowl and a Hall of Fame career in front of him. The fact that Tim "Rock" Raines gave him his nickname makes it even more legendary.
9. "Everyday" Eddie Guardado, P, Texas Rangers: OK, so injuries have limited what used to be "Everyday" Eddie to "Hardly Any Day Lately" Eddie, but the sentiment is still there. This little closer with a huge heart has put up solid seasons finishing games for several teams and is now trying to get his arm back in shape for the Rangers. Once his aging body allows him to once again take the ball every day, you know he'll be game.
[Origin of the Species]
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