BREAKING: WE TEST THE BLACK KEYS ON THEIR FANHOOD

by LaRue Cook

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"Don't ever give me a Grammy, man, or I'll wail on Rasheed Wallace with it. No, seriously."

When we ran across a recent Q&A with Patrick Carney, one half of the blues-rock duo The Black Keys, it surprised us to find that the drummer knows his sports. Born, raised and still residing in Akron, Ohio, Carney grew up a fan of the Cavs and Indians, and still follows them closely, particularly fellow Akronite, LeBron James. But how closely?

A week after they killed on Letterman, we thought it might be fun to throw some Cleveland-related sports trivia at Carney. And to see if we couldn't get him riled up about Rasheed Wallace—again. He's gone on the record about his distaste for Sheed before.

The Mag: Question No. 1: Where did LeBron James attend high school in Akron?

Patrick Carney: St. Vincent-St. Mary's.

Pretty easy, huh?

Yeah, I lived on the corner near it. My roommate would be driving and get behind LeBron in his Hummer on the way to school. When that guy's on, he's got to be the most fun player to watch in the NBA.

Have you been watching him blow up on the Wizards? (Ed's Note: This was done before last night.)

I've been on the road so much that I haven't really gotten a chance to watch a full game. My dad [who is a writer for the Akron Beacon Journal] keeps me updated. I'm going to get to go home and watch a couple games, but I'll probably be back on the road for Round 2.

I didn't really care too much for the Delonte West/Ben Wallace/Wally Szczerbiak trade. But it seems to be paying off—in Round 1, anyway.

Man, I loved that trade. I (bleeping) love Ben Wallace after watching him play for Detroit against the Cavs in the playoffs. Even though he can't shoot, he's like a mix between Anderson Varejao and Zydrunas Ilgauskas—but he can actually move like a human being is supposed to. And Larry Hughes was the most overpaid, over-rated player. He was one of the highest paid players on that team, and he'd struggle to get 20.

Care to retract anything you've said about Rasheed Wallace?

I hate that guy. In the last series against us, he played like a British soccer player, falling everywhere and crying about every call. When he went down and looked like he broke his ankle, I'd never been happier to see someone in pain.

Question No. 2: Name of the Double-A Indians affiliate based in Akron?

Akron Aeros.

Question No. 3: What Cavs player was immortalized after he was the victim of Michael Jordan's game-winning shot in the first round of the 1989 NBA Playoffs?

Was it [Brad] Daugherty, Mark Price? Man, I don't know. I've only been up for like an hour.

Craig Ehlo, whose name still echoes thanks to Jim Durham of the Bulls' Radio Network.

Man, Ehlo had the best haircut on that team—the mullet.

Question No. 4: What Akron native, who ended his career in Cleveland, was the first player in NBA history to record a quadruple double?

No idea.

Nate Thurmond did it when he played for the Chicago Bulls. It was against the Atlanta Hawks on Oct. 18, 1974 (22 points, 14 rebounds, 13 assists, and 12 blocks).

Before my time.

Yeah. And Nate the Great never gets enough pub. Okay, question No. 5: When was the last time the Indians won the World Series?

1948.

Correct. Cleveland defeated the Boston Braves, 4-2. And in Game 2, Satchel Paige, pitching for the Indians, and became the first black player to pitch in the World Series. Have the Indians always been your team over the Reds?

When I was seven or eight my dad started taking me to Indians games, and I can name, like, the entire roster of the 1988 Indians. I had so much fun watching them for nine years, and I got to go to the World Series in '97. My dad was all talking about how they hadn't been there since the '50s, then watching them blow it…it made me want to stop watching (bleeping) baseball.

It always happens to us. We get to the playoffs in football and fumble it away [Brian Sipe's 1980 "Red Right 88" interception against the Raiders] or we get Shawn Kemp four years too late. Freakin' unbelievable.

[Origin of the Species]