Members of the Memphis Tigers men’s basketball team are heading into the summer break with a lot to think about.
“Most of these classes they make us take are so boring,” said sophomore forward Joe Mason. “But this Philosophy 101 class a bunch of us took really got to me. Like, did you know it’s possible God does not even exist? It’s crazy. I tried to argue with the professor that God is the guy helping us win games, and I showed him our record and everything, but he said that’s not real proof. Man, I wish someone had told me all this before I got a big tattoo on my back of myself on the cross.”
Freshman guard Derek Martin says he will no longer have an answer for critics who ask if the Tigers are for real next season if they get off to another undefeated start in the mediocre Conference USA.
“Are we for real? I have no idea,” said Martin. “I don’t know if I’m even for real anymore. I could just be someone’s imagination or something. It’s so deep. Everything is everything. And everything is nothing. And even if we do exist, we are nothing but the smallest speck of dust on a head of a pin in the universe of history. That one really got me. I think especially because I was high at that class.”
Junior center Landry Whitaker said the problem of evil is the discussion that stuck with him the most.
“Really, how can an all-knowing, all-powerful, all-loving God allow evil to exist?” said Whitaker. “It’s like when my friend showed me that YouTube video Two Girls, One Cup. Only a bad God could allow that to exist.”
Martin says Philosophy 101 will be a big help to team going forward.
“If I can’t prove I’m real,” he said, “then no one can really ever prove that I don’t show up for any classes the rest of my career.”
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